Talking Bout My Education

In my seemingly 40 year transition of an unbeknownst period of time aka “season of life” that I am in right now, I am renewing my education. I thought once I got my masters degree that I would be done with education. But life always has a funny way of resurfacing things from your past and thus my love for education has been rekindled.

For the past several months I have been subbing. I never thought that in teaching I could learn so much about education, children, and the school system at large (second blog to follow about my thoughts on education in America).

In subbing from Kindergarten thru Twelfth grade, I’ve learned the following things:

Kids must be taught.

There’s a song in the musical South Pacific called “Carefully Taught” where the young lieutenant sings that we must be carefully taught to hate and fear. Forty years ago, Rodgers and Hammerstein couldn’t have been more correct. What I’ve observed is that children in elementary school don’t know hate, fear, racism, rich, poor, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation. They only have an innate sense of pure wonderment and trust.

However, once they get into Junior high and high school They’ve been taught to hate and fear. It’s sad to see what a lack of parenting does and at the same time what over parenting has done to them. Most problem children aren’t the problem…it’s the parents. Which has ultimately caused me to think about what Jesus had to say about children. Anyone who causes a child to stumble should tie a rock around their neck and go for a swim (personal interpretation).  

Kids love unconditionally.

At the elementary age, they know only love. They desire to be loved and love at the same time. They love to be friends, love to play, love to be challenged, and love to laugh. I so enjoy this age because they teach me so much about a perspective on life that I need to have. Often times for me this lesson is not only to love unconditionally, but to have childlike faith. I call it a sense of wonderment and a blissful non-circumstantial discriminating joy. I was shocked when I was teaching music and after an hour, I was being hugged as they left the class!

Kids have a desire to learn.

No matter the age, kids want to learn. They might get classified as a bad kid, again a byproduct of their parents doing, but they still have a desire to learn. I’ve had a few rambunctious classes, and the kids that I am told are “problems” are the ones that really want to learn, even more so than the gold star performers.

Kids have a sense of wonderment and fear.

Sometimes when I’m teaching the little ones, I feel like I have them eating out of the palm of my hand! It’s crazy to me, how a perfect stranger can come in for a day, and they completely trust that when you tell them “pigs can fly” they believe you. They respect your authority and trust that you have their best interests at hand. It’s a matter of innocence and they remind me of this, day in and day out.  

For me, these for things are what I have been learning over the past couple of months…summed up it equates to having a childlike faith. I know I keep having to learn these lessons…but whenever I go too far on my own, I always need to be reminded that someone else is teaching me.

Stop, drop, and roll…or get a PR agent

One of the growing problems I’ve seen over the years, whether it be a celebrity or a nobody, is that no-one thinks before they hit the “send” button. I’m guilty of it to! I sometimes tweet or post a comment without thinking, later it may require an apology or explanation.

This was the case a few weeks ago with Suze Orman. Suze launched her new debit card but when negative comments came through on twitter she responded poorly. After which she then apologized for calling people idiots. It was a sad day for Suze, too bad she didn’t have a handler or a PR agent on her Twitter account. Since many of us can’t afford a PR agent it serves as a good reminder to all of us “nobodies” using Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet to do the following before any online post…STOP…DROP…and ROLL!

I know, I know…this was the lesson we all learned in fire safety 101 in 3^rd grade. But to be perfectly frank, this is the same lesson we need before getting into an ugly battle for all to see. In my own life, if I thought my tweet pushed the envelope or crossed a line, I would stop what I was doing and stare at the blinking cursor on the screen wondering how this might be interpreted. This gave me some time to not get caught up in the moment or trying to be Evel Knievel.

If you continue to hit the “send” button too fast and if stopping yourself doesn’t work, then drop what you’re doing. I’ve found that saving it on the screen, or going to another web page also helps prior to posting something you may regret. It once again allows your mind to focus on something else for a few minutes, allows you to relax, and then allows you to be rational. Doing this allows you to take an offensive position rather than a defensive position. When you’re defensive you become reactionary vs. offensively seeking opportunities to either progress your opinion or debunk a negative statement.

Lastly if you can’t stop yourself from hitting “send” and you can’t drop what you’re doing…roll away. Rolling, or walking, away gives you the upper hand in a situation. If you have nothing good to say, then don’t say it! In the film industry there’s a phrase “left on the cutting room floor” which means to say that certain scenes or pieces of the film were “left on the cutting room floor” because they weren’t good enough to make the cut. Next time leave your comments at the door…or the cutting room floor and walk or roll away.

Social media isn’t just a means of connecting with one another…it is our 24 hour permanent connect with the whole world where someone is always watching. The world monitors and records every message and tweet, and even though we wish there was a delete button…there simply isn’t. So if you can’t hire a PR agent before posting something…STOP, DROP and ROLL!

What was a tweet/post/msg you wished you wouldn’t have it send on?

Enter the Void

Since my last blog post a lot and yet not much has happened. My life feels crazier, and I thought life was supposed to be less crazy! A misconceived notion though as I remember a 60+ year old professor telling me that each time he and his wife moved on to perceivable less stressful and lower responsibility, the reverse actually happened.

Which brings me to the title of this blog…enter the void. When God places a calling on your life, giving you direction, it is typically in contrast to everything in human nature. He’s great about providing you with the end destination…but the path, the hills and valleys, the twists and turns that are just around the bend are unclear.

Proceed with caution!

God doesn’t provide turn-by-turn directions with a checklist of needed skills and lessons or a packing list for the journey. Yet there it is…the end…the destination…enter the void.

Two analogies in the Bible clearly outline entering the void: the Israelites exodus from Egypt and Peter’s journey outside a boat. The Israelites were led out of a life of slavery to Mt. Sinai to worship God, before being led to the Promised Land. Enter the void. After departing for the journey that lay ahead of them, it didn’t take long before they started to desire they’re former life of slavery. They’re petitions and complaints were based upon two things: comfort and security the most basic of human needs.

Peter walked on water. It’s fascinating to think about. He got out of a fairly small boat and stepped onto this massive body of water. Enter the void. That took faith…who knows how many steps he took…but it didn’t take long for him to see the wind and become fearful and begin to sink. Fear was the culprit.

So why do I sometimes question God’s call on my life…what is it about comfort and security that are so appealing? I’m a creature of habit, and when you take out the bottom two tiers on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs the whole pyramid seems to crumble and fall. I’ve been emotional, insecure, and fearful. While it would seem as a Christian, faith should be enough…which it is…it doesn’t mean that I don’t long for safety and security to the point of questioning what I’m doing. The void for me has been a massive black hole of sorts filled with uncertainty and big looming questions.

Stepping out of my world to help plant a church has been crazy good for me and my faith. My exodus has taken all of the security and safety measures that I’ve worked so hard for and up heaved them. I keep asking why would I leave a good job? Why would I leave financial security? Why leave a place in which I’m well established? Because God said so…and I have to keep reminding myself that that statement alone should be enough. When asked to enter a void, we are leaving fullness behind and walking into emptiness...a void…a space that has yet to be filled. For which I’m sure, that this is exactly how God wants us…empty and naked needing our most basic of needs to be filled.

I’ve always liked 1 Corinthians 14, in which Paul writes that right now we know in part, and see in part…but soon we will know in full and see in full all the things that God is doing. This is what entering the void for me feels like; entering a room I’ve never been in with the lights off, stumbling, reaching, groping, proceeding with caution, uncertain, and relying on all of my senses to help navigate the room. I enter the void each day…reaching for some sort of security to grab a hold of…and there He is, waiting to take my hand and lead me through the void.

My New Life Story – Part 10 – Closing a book and starting another

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part ten in the series.

So over the past few months I’ve shared with you several stories about my time at New Life Church…they are a small sampling and some of my favorite and most important memories. I could have written several more…and maybe some of you have stories about me that you’d like to share, if you do, please do as I have a really bad memory!

Well, it is in this blog that I want to share with you what God has been doing in my life in 2011. God started a spiritual healing of my heart, and when I turned 30 I began to freak out not knowing what God was doing inside of me. David Perkins did such a great job of pastoring me through that time and challenged me to remain steady and succumb to the process.

I felt fresher and newer than I have in years past. So the weekend after Mother’s Day, I thought maybe it was time to leave New Life. This was the first time that I didn’t receive a spiritual challenge and that my spirit and flesh were in harmonious alignment. But I felt very confused and depressed by this. So when I came home from church that Sunday my mom asked me what was wrong and I said I think I’m going to quit. She responded that when she got home from church she had this immediate thought that I was going to leave, which was a very surprising and a needed confirmation.

So I prayed and asked God for one more confirmation from someone in spiritual authority over me. I informed David what I was thinking and gave God some time to move. Then Thursday, Aaron Stern came into my office, doing the Aaron Stern swagger walk, and he was able to provide the final confirmation. He was on his way to ask David for permission to ask me if I would be willing to be a part of his team being sent to go plant a church. However David wasn't in the office, so Aaron wasn't going to ask. We danced for 15 minutes, talking about random stuff then suddenly I felt a heavy pressure from the Holy Spirit to tell Aaron everything that happened that week, that this year would be my last Desperation and that I was looking for jobs up in Fort Collins because that's where I felt that God was leading me next.

It was a God moment for both of us. After I had finished telling him what God had been doing in me this year and that week, the first words out of his mouth were, "You don't say." Then he proceeded to tell me all that God had been doing in him and his intentions that day. I’ve really been happy and grateful for what God has done in me in 2011…not just in 2011 though, I’ve been grateful for all of my time at New Life. (Caleb Collins Nobody Told Me is such a great song chronicling the journey of a Christian and it really expresses how I feel). So it is with this last blog in the series that I inform everyone of my closing my story at New Life, and prepare for a new journey and to write a new “story”. I am so honored to be sent out by New Life as a part of Mill City Church's launch team!

My New Life Story – Part 9 – Great is thy Faithfulness

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part nine in the series.

What has God promised or spoken over you? One of my biggest problems is that I have long term memory loss. I can only see what God is doing for me right now. But one of my favorite scriptures is “He who begins a good work in you will see it through to completion.” My life is a track record of that, and I’m grateful for His grace and redemption in my life. So here’s a non-comprehensive list of God’s promises in my life that my mind can remember and some of which I’m sharing for the first time:

2006 – I would become the Conference Director for Desperation, but in a non-traditional manner and not in a way in which I could take any credit.

2006 – That I would get the door-opening job at New Life.

2009 – I was told in prayer that 2012 would be a year of transition for me.

2009 – That Fort Collins would be where my future would be and where I would end up.

2011 – That God wanted to show His faithfulness this year.

I feel like there are so much more to just those simple promises but with each of those promises came journeys, steps, lessons, and adventures. You see that in the Bible too…no one magically arrived at his or her destination. Each promise carried with it sacrifices and offerings, but while the destination was clear…God didn’t give people a Garmin to give them perfect directions (avoiding obstacles, traffic jams, and potholes).  The journey is the biggest part of fulfilling God’s promise…and depending how much you want to fight it depends on how long you’re on that journey. What journey does God currently have you on? Can you track the fulfillment of His promises in your life?

My New Life Story – Part 8 – Desperation

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part eight in the series.

As I approach my fourth year at the helm of the Desperation Conference. I have such an overwhelming feeling of joy. I have a special memory from each year for which I’d like share and I hope you gain an inside glimpse into what my world has been like.

2008 – Counting on God

For my first year I had to put on two regional conferences (Michigan and Alabama) including the national conference in Colorado Springs. I’ll never forget Michigan as my first conference. I felt overwhelmed and underprepared. I remember having Starbucks with Dan and Dave in Kalamazoo and Dave had decided to fast for 40 days over the conferences. After about an hour’s worth of incoherent conversations with Dave, Dan and I finally convinced him to eat something. In Colorado, I’ll never forget the wall of lights that Robby and I dreamed up...but the real God moment came in Birmingham. Going into Birmingham, we had I believe something like 200 registrants and had no-idea what to expect. I was worried and concerned…but every time I began to panic I heard this little small voice say, “do you trust me.” (more on that phrase in a latter blog). That opening night we ended up with 2,000 registrants. Everyone congratulated me, but I said this was all God. That night in worship God told me that I had done the work on the previous two conferences to bring in the harvest, but that He was going to take the glory for himself in Birmingham…which He did indeed do.

2009 – Light up the World

I don’t know why but 2009 has been and always will be my favorite conference year. I can’t explain it, but it was something about the candles, the theme, the bulbs, the lamps on stage, or the VOW DVD. It was just a simple setup in which God came in and moved. It may have been the donations for which we were able to build 3 orphanages…or it might have been the worship leaders and speakers. I can never but my finger on it…but in any case it’s my favorite year.

2010 – Decade

Last year, was a real moving year, and is my second all time favorite. But I was moved to tears the opening night of July when I heard God say to me, “and all of these shall be counted unto you.” I said, God I don’t deserve the credit for these students, surely their parents, youth pastors, coaches, or leaders deserve some of the credit…but God repeated the statement and all I could say in response was that I’m not worthy, to which He responded, “But I am.” I wept feeling even more humbled by God’s love and faithfulness!

2011 - No Compromise

Coming into this year, was probably one of the hardest years for me as I started out tired, behind, and overwhelmed. But I crossed that finish line none the worse for the wear! I’m writing this blog in anticipation of God showing up and doing something big. He always does, and always does it in a way so that I can’t take any credit for myself…or if I do, I immediately turn it over to him. Which Conference has been your favorite Desperation Conference?

My New Life Story – Part 7 – Internships and discipleship

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part seven in the series.

So being a MILL intern for 3 years was very valuable and I wrote a blog about it a while back so if you want my thoughts on that…check that out. But when I joined Desperation, I came to see and really value internships and their potential to turn out disciples. Over the past five years, I have gained a deep love and understanding of how Desperation does internships.

Mind you, change has always been constant, and there have never been two consistent or comparable years for that matter. But no matter the year, I always counted it a joy to be part of the process. Some students would come in as utter messes…some would come in hiding their messes…and some didn’t have any messes at all. But I truly believe that all left for the better at least if they allowed themselves to be part of the discipleship process they left better.

But it was the discipleship process that was created through David’s visioneering and leadership that I came to love and value. I had never seen an effective discipleship process before coming to Desperation. If you listen closely you can hear mentions of discipleship whispered about in small Christian circles…but it’s like an allusive mysterious unicorn that people talk about…but no-one has ever seen. So I greatly valued and appreciated Desperation’s emphasis on God first, discipleship second, and everything else will come after that if you take care of those two things.

I remain friends with about 2-3 students from each class. Some are like brothers and sisters; some are like sons and daughters. I love them and care for each of them. But I’m always grateful for the chance to be part of their lives and impart any wisdom or any life lesson that I can give them, and that they value what I have to say, because half the time I don’t even understand the words that are coming out of my mouth. And like David told me on one occasion that my analogies make no sense!

I wish I could do a better job of explaining how much value I have for the Desperation discipleship program. It is just so well done and reflecting upon all of the fruit that has been produced, I am just amazed by and to have been a part of the process. Are you being discipled and discipling others?

My New Life Story – Part 6 – Back. Not Growing, Pains

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part six in the series.

In the fall of 2007, after leading yet another missions trip, this time to Madagascar, I came home only to find that I had somehow herniated a disc in my lower back. I was on extensive pain medication and could basically only lie down (which was great because that was the fall in which the Rockies made it all the way to the World Series). I couldn’t get in for surgery for about two months because of lost files, my surgeon breaking his leg in a boating accident, and my exuberant patience with the health care system.

***Side note: It was also during this time that I met Pastor Brady Boyd at Fox Run Park for the very first time along with the rest of the staff. I was sweating bullets (literally because of the heat and the pain meds I was on). I walked up, doped out, and said something stupid to him like, “Hi my name is Justin Steinhart, I’m the interim-director of the WPC, I apologize, but I’m really high right now because of all of the pain medication I’m on. I also normally don’t walk around with a cane, but I have a herniated disc, which is also why I’m so high right now. Nice to meet you!” A few years later I asked him if he remembered our first meeting that day and he didn’t for which I was so grateful that he didn’t remember, because I was an absolute idiot!

So I finally received lower back surgery to remove the herniated disc, and there I was trying to once again find a new normal in my life. It was one of the most trying times in my life. One of the things that was extremely hard for me was people with good and Godly intentions wanting to pray for me. Which I allowed them to do as any Christian would do. I could see the look of disappointment in people’s eyes when after they had prayed for me the pain was still there. I never told anyone but the problem with it was that I had been sensing God say to me that I was not going to receive a miraculous healing and that I would have to endure the pain and live with this for the rest of my life.

Ever since then, and I would equate it to when Jacob wrestled with God. For the rest of Jacob’s life he would walk with a limp. I have the scare and the limp to prove it. It was a trying time of faith for me. I believe one of the reasons God chose to do it then was because I was taking over as the Conference Director for Desperation, and He wanted to make sure I would never get to big for my britches.

Ever since then God will often times stimulate that area just enough to cause me some pain and discomfort. He does it every time when I have relied too much on my physical skills and talents…instead of Him. When I think to highly of myself He does it to remind me that I am marked and chosen…and no matter how far I might stray from the pen, that I am His. When the pain comes on, I am reminded to return to God in prayer and usually the pain is instantaneously lifted. I have been comforted by the gentleness of His staff…but this was the first time that I was comforted by the rod.  When has God used pain and suffering in your life to bring you back to Him?

My New Life Story – Part 5 – Not just 1 but 2 Golden Calf’s!

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part five in the series.

As a part of my responsibilities as the self-appointed interim-director of the World Prayer Center, I was going to continue on a project that I had started in 2006. This job task was to return all of the artwork in the Prayer Center for which we were paying a hefty insurance premium for. At the time the prayer center housed about 12-16 different original artwork pieces, and I not only had to track down the artists, but make sure they got shipped out okay and in one piece.

As the WPC staff began to slowly take the artwork down, I started to hear several rumblings and complaints. Unfortunately for many people, the artwork had become a golden calf. I never understood the complaining and the personal hurt and violation that people expressed to me. In my eyes the prayer center had become a mausoleum for artwork. But for many, change, which by the way is only thing consistent in this life, removes peoples comfort and safety blankets. As humans we still have yet to become fully adaptable to change. I never took their complaints to heart. I was just mostly saddened by their lack of maturity.

Another giant golden calf in the World Prayer Center, was a gigantic spinning golf ball that was painted to look like the world. It came down a few years later, and I was extremely happy to see it go because it blocked one of the most picturesque views on the campus. Again the complainers took to arms over the injustice done by removing the globe. Yet again I bring attention to the golden calf.

The Israelites were blinded by their own fear, and thus created a golden calf to comfort them. Rather than looking up at this mountain on fire, they wanted something non-threatening right in front of them. The calf to them was something that wouldn’t shoot flames, smoke, or lightening. The calf was stagnant and peaceful it made them feel safe and in control. When we removed the globe, I could see this marvelous image of Pikes Peak.  Anyone who has driven from the plains states to Colorado Springs can attest to the fact that the Pikes Peak mastiff is a testament to God being the Creator. It’s a spectacular image.

And yet here was this beautiful image of God’s creation, a mountain that God had made, formed, and dreamed up, hiding behind a man-made, man-painted, mechanical spinning golf ball. It was a golden calf that over time started to draw our attention away from the real testament and magnificence of our creator. When the globe came down, it was like opening the curtains for the very first time. I now find myself very much at peace every time I walk through the prayer center. What golden calves, i.e. something you worship, a habit, a ritual, or something that makes you feel safe or in control have you setup in your life to distract you from God’s majesty?

My New Life Story – Part 4 – Brother Stein

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part four in the series.

If you have friends, then you have a nickname. If you don’t have friends, then you probably don’t have a nickname or a sense of humor. A nickname is something endearing…something fun…and often times something personal. When someone not that close to you calls you by a nickname, there’s that weird lack of intimacy feeling…but you would never correct him or her. You just show them courtesy and grace by letting them call you by one of your nicknames.

You may not like your nickname…but you love your friends so you really have no choice in the matter. I received two nicknames over the coarse of about a year while at New Life. The second one is less funny and rarely used, so I won’t talk about that one. I’ll just talk about how I received the nickname “Brotha Stein”.

As the self-appointed interim-director of the World Prayer Center, I was asked to attend and help at several funerals that took place there. On one such occasion, myself and Abby Gilbert were asked to help for a funeral of a high school student that had committed suicide. Because of his decision to do so, his family couldn’t have the funeral at their church. There was such grief in the room, and as I had lost my dad as a high school teenager, I was very moved by the families grief not only because of the boys decision but because the family couldn’t even have the funeral services at their church.

It was one of the toughest funerals I had attended because of the pain and hurt in the room. At the conclusion, the New Life pastor officiating the service said that if anyone needed prayer to come forward and receive prayer. He went on to say to the friends of the young boy that “Sister Gilbert and Brother Stein (insert pause)…were available to talk or pray with them if they needed it.”  He started to say my name and got the stone part right…but forgot the heart part. When I retold the story to my friends in the student ministries department of what had transpired over the weekend…the name stuck.

I tell this story because nicknames are a right of passage in a workplace or social setting. They are a primitive way of accepting someone and vice versa for that person to feel accepted by their peers. Now, even though I received my nickname from a very awkward situation in which a pastor forgot the second half of my name at a funeral of all places; it nonetheless was my final right of passage to working at New Life. I was accepted and would come to cherish my new nickname “Brotha Stein.” Do you have a nickname story if so what is it?

My New Life Story – Part 3 – His Promise

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part three in the series.

Going back to the first part in this series, I want to talk about what happened during my internship at theMILL. I had been serving there for about two years, when I found out that the Desperation Conference Director was leaving. When I found out he was leaving, I was sitting in my drab and grey cubicle and I said, “Lord I would really like that job, should I inform David of my interest?” Immediately I received a word back with the following promise, “You don’t need to say anything to David. You’ll get that job in the future, but it won’t look anything like a traditional hiring.”

I thought, okay, I can live with that. I tucked that promise in my back pocket and kept diligently serving at theMILL. I however told no-one of what I heard from the Lord. A few months later, a job at New Life Church became available for the administrative assistant to the Director of the World Prayer Center. I was still working at a foreclosure and bankruptcy law firm (I could write several blogs on my experiences and friendships there, but now isn’t the time) when I applied for the job.  Sitting at my other drab and grey cubicle at the law firm, I said aloud, “Lord I don’t want to be here anymore.” Again another response, “Who says you have to be?” I laughed and suddenly felt a spiritual release to leave the law firm and I immediately typed up my two weeks notice and sent it to my supervisor.

I was leaving for a missions trip, that summer of 2006, and I was quitting my law firm job right before leaving for that trip. I had a mixture of emotions: nervousness, anxiousness, relief, safety, and full of faith like I was in His hands. I hadn’t heard anything back about the job at New Life Church, but I had God, so I just kept trucking on believing I was going to get that job. Then just prior to leaving for the missions trip, I got word back that I was selected for the job.

I was flabbergasted. Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget God’s faithfulness in our lives, and one of the reason’s why I’m writing this blog series this summer is to reflect upon God and his faithfulness. He keeps His word even though we can’t. It’s amazing how good He really is!

So I got the job at New Life…six months later tragedy struck. My future was uncertain, I thought it was the end of everything I had known…but God has the whole world in His hands. I made it through several reductions in forces, each time thinking I was next because I didn’t have the tenure and was young. I became the self-appointed interim-director of the WPC for a few months and led the WPC staff through those transitions. It was hard but well worth the experience and wisdom I gained during that time. It was as though God had setup a hedge of protection around me during that time, and I’m so grateful for that.

Then in the spring of 2007, David and Desperation moved over to the Prayer Center, and about a year after first being hired on at New Life, I was set to transition into the my new role as the Desperation Conference Director. This was the first time I had encountered God in such a fatherly way. It took about a year but God’s promise was fulfilled. I had to survive some very extenuating circumstances, at times I felt like I was either in the desert or walking through fire, I had to continue to be faithful even though uncertainty was everywhere, I was very anxious, and constantly worried about my future…but ultimately God stepped in and took all the glory. There’s no way I could have gotten this job without His divine intervention and eternal plan. What promise has God fulfilled in your life that you might have forgotten or let loose it’s luster?

My New Life Story – Part 2 – Worship & Tongues (or vice versa)

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. This is part two in the series.

As anyone can tell you, worship is one of the things that is sacred and distinguishable at New Life. Any worshiper can tell you that if you’re not worshipping God, you’re worshipping something else. When I came back to the Lord, I remember hearing the announcement to audition to be a part of the choir. I thought, “ I can sing…I need to get connected…I’ll try out.” So I decided to audition.

I thought I failed miserably at the audition…and when I got the confirmation that I was selected to join the choir I broke down in tears. I still can’t really explain my feelings or emotions at that time…but one of the best ways for me to describe it was that I felt redeemed. It was my first introduction to God as someone who is bigger than our failures or shortcomings.

I loved worshiping God with the choir…it was so much fun. The specials, the Thorn, the Holidays, no matter the day, I loved worshipping! One of the things that happened through my involvement with the choir was that I received my prayer language. I can remember it very vividly. But I remember that the activities center was setup with a keyboard and a mic. Ross Parsley got up there and said, "Tonight we aren’t going to rehearse….we aren’t going to sing…we’re going to worship God."

I have never been involved in such a deep and wide worship experience since then. We worshipped so hard, I think a lot of people were sweating, on the floor prostrate, or on their knees. It is and always will be one of my most favorite worship experiences at New Life. I had prayed on different occasions, “Lord baptize me with Your Spirit.” Nothing had happened up until then, and thus I said the prayer again that night…but didn’t know what I was in for.

At one point, the worship got to such peak where I couldn’t use my voice anymore…I felt like throwing up, I felt like I was burning up, and I didn’t know what was happening inside of me. Every time I tried to physically open my mouth to sing…I couldn’t. I was starting to freak out a little bit because I couldn't even talk! When I finally opened up my mouth after about twenty minutes of my stomach turning and churning out came something I had never heard before. I had received my prayer language!

After that I felt like something had been released and I felt like I could worship again and in a whole new way.  It was an incredible God moment that I will never forget. What’s been your favorite worship moment at New Life?

My New Life Story – Part 1 – theMILL, Morocco, and Macaroni Grill

With New Life being in a summer series, titled “This is My Story” I felt inspired to tell my New Life story, as a reminder of God’s promises and a look back at some of my favorite memories over the past eight years. Here’s part one.

I used to work at Macaroni Grill on N. Academy from 2001 to 2003. It was there that I met several people that changed my life (Aaron Linnebach, Jeremy Burch, and Maggie Turner).  They all attended theMILL, the college and 20-somethings ministry of New Life Church and convinced me to go. I had been burned by my previous church and when I came to college, I became a Barna statistic. I questioned my faith, beliefs, and even God’s existence. But it was through the three of them that I gave church another chance.

I had come to theMILL a few times in the fall of 2003, and had heard that they were going on a mission’s trip to Morocco in 2004. I decided to signup to go for two reasons: 1) I thought it’d be a nice graduation present to myself and 2) I thought I would give God one last chance to prove himself on this trip. How I became infamously known at theMILL was not just through making a fool of myself for Joe’s video announcements, but at our first missions meeting, Aaron asked who and where is Justin Steinhart? I raised my hand, and Aaron went on to say that I had already reached the 50% deadline. I was overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness.

Little did I know that God was going to wreck me prior to the trip. I had a world religion class in college, which caused me to change my view and actually defend and believe in God (it’s interesting that sometimes when you don’t know what you believe to see what all the world has to offer you are forced to make a decision). Then, after that and through our missions trips meetings, theMILL, and Sunday morning at New Life, I came back to the Lord.

On the missions trip I started to really hear and focus in on God’s direction and calling for my life. At every juncture it was always the next step…and not a big giant road map with a final destination. God directs our every step, and he certainly did with me. I’ve just been following the road since then, can’t see necessarily what’s coming around the bend, but I can see each and every next step. After coming back to the Lord, one of my first steps was to join the choir (more on that in my next blog). On the mission trip to Morocco I received my second step…be an intern for theMILL.

I worked diligently for theMILL for 3 years, towards the end I worked at a law-firm getting up at 6 am and working till 3pm; then I’d to serve from 3-7; then I would go to class from 7-9. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun. As an intern, I also received my next step in my journey, which was to go back to school to get my master’s degree, which I received in 2008. I learned a lot and am so grateful for my time as an intern...which is why I greatly value an internship, apprenticeship, or discipleship program.

Hope (a poem or a bunch of random thoughts on the subject)

Hope is a word.

It’s a four-letter word…not that kind of a four letter word…but a different kind of word.

It isn’t negative.

It isn't positive either.

Hope plants itself somewhere in the middle.

It is a borderland word.

It is a word that provokes thought.

It is a word of possibility…what is…what was…and what will be.

It must stretch and relax within the realm of tension.

Hope is a gift.

Hope causes patience, delayed gratification, bliss.

The soul rejoices when hope fills the heart.

Hope is based on a mentor’s experience.

Hope is a sunny day in a hammock.

Hope is a newborn baby.

Hope is like snow…magical, soft, silent, still, pure.

Hope is a pool of blood at the foot of a cross; hope is an empty grave.

Hope cannot exist in isolation.

Hope isolated dies…it must be around others that hope in order to survive.

Hope in community receives all it needs to survive: sunlight, water, and fertilizer (this is the stuff of magic; fertilizer is waste excrement but it is in this stinky nauseating disgusting steamy mess where hope is birthed and nurtured).

Hope has parents that go by names like: despair; desolate; destitute; fearful; empty.

Hope has offspring that go by names like: heaven; peace; joy; fullness; love; miraculous.

Hope is a phoenix: it is mis-perceived/conceived expectations; it dies; then is rebirthed better and more beautiful than our imagination can imagine.

Hope isn’t idle, nor is it sprinting.
Hope is a sunset stroll under an umbrella of giant oak trees.

Hope cannot be found…yet when hope is found, it's an ah-hah moment.

Hope is progressive.

Hope moves forward no matter the weight of the burden.

No obstacle, no disaster, nothing can prevent hope.

We hope for change, for better times, for improvements, for hope.

But hope learned long ago to give us what we need…and not what we want.

A heart full of envy, pride, lust, envy, sloth, greed, and gluttony leaves no room for hope. 

Hope finds room in an empty heart.

When we long for…when we pray without ceasing…when we persevere…we hope. 

Why you like Glee! (or not)

You might like Glee…or you might not…in any case I have a great theory as to why it’s very popular with the kids these days. It’s called escapism. When things look down, when there’s no hope, when it doesn’t look as though things will get better, the best entertainment is a little song & dance.

From around 1930 to 1950 Hollywood entered into what is now considered the Golden age of film. This time period saw some of the most ground breaking films. I could provide a lengthy lest of films…but I’m not. What I want to talk about is what happened prior to 1930. It’s been talked about a lot recently but what happened just over 81 years ago on October 29, 1929 was the Great Depression.

It was the Great Depression that launched America into great creativity, caused people to dream, and even though it came at a cost it was a great moment in American history. I’ve only seen 1.5 episodes of Glee, I thought it was great for what it was. Glee is a perfect example and correlation to what is happening in Hollywood today compared to what happened in Hollywood 80 years ago. A little song and dance mixed together.

When Hollywood starts to dream again, so do we. Sometimes a little escapism can be healthy…too much though can become addictive and stifle independent thought. Two years ago my favorite movies were dramas. They were thought provoking, demanded discussion, and wasn’t mindless entertainment. Now with so much doom and gloom, my favorite movies are the same mindless action and comedy movies that I steered away from.

It’s a healthy escapism, but escapism is a problem nonetheless. The problem with it is it gives us liberty to escape reality. One of the first problems is that too many people run from their problems rather than confronting them. Another problem is that they are seeking comfort from something that will never fulfill. One of the things I’ve been greatly thinking about, especially after we just had our Student Ministry retreat is how great retreats really are. They allow you the opportunity to escape but typically within boundaries. Those boundaries are so welcomed and needed though because you get to really meet with God.

It’s good to escape, but I think it’s good to evaluate your escape. Next time you find yourself in a little need for an escape ask yourself 1) why are you escaping, 2) what are you escaping from, 3) what are you escaping to and 4) why are you escaping to that and not something else. Glee’s probably okay…but I’m not necessarily looking to it as an escape or for content other than this blog...touche.

What Defines You - Part 2

I’ve watched a few cable shows called, “Pickers” and “Hoarders” and I see these people who have crippled themselves by stuff. It’s horrible. People who can’t part with an empty box, a cartoon clipped from a newspaper, a unopened gift they purchased years ago but never gave, a rusty bicycle, rotten and mold ridden food, the list goes on.

They have ultimately decided to define themselves by these items. They seem stuck, either unable or unwilling to be able to let go. They seemed hopeless and content with the mess of their lives. Some had lost their children to the state. Some faced foreclosure on two houses because they couldn’t sell the one that was filled with stuff.

My heart grieved for them…I saw the mental anguish and pain over a simple piece of paper. Often times their past was one of the major determining factors as to why they were the way they were. Instead of the person overcoming and dominating events, situations, abuse, and bad relationships…they were haunted by the things of their past. Often times they saw themselves as normal, no-one had held up a mirror to them, and they couldn’t explain why they couldn’t part with an item…other than the fact that they felt as though they were throwing away a memory.

Which leads me to the question…what defines you? Is it your relationships? Is it in another? Is it in things? Is it in memories? What do people think of you…have you asked them?

I think a good litmus test is to ask someone, “If you could look me up in the dictionary, what would it say about me?” If they were a good and close friend they might tell you they’d find your picture next to ugly…you’d both share a good laugh and they would seriously tell you what the definition might be. I think we’d all be surprised as to some of the answers that we might get.

However if you don’t like the definition that someone gives you, it’s your job to change their perspective and the definition. Not all of us are like celebrities or corporations that can hire PR firms to handle our mess and junk…we must face the facts and while it may not be our problem, it is our responsibility.

What Defines You - Part 1

Gap recently relaunched themselves with a new logo and in a few short days they changed their minds over the public dislike. Reinventing and rebranding are two terms that are plaguing society at large. If the brand is already in trouble, then a “re” anything won’t do it any good. Especially when it’s a bad one.

I used to do a lot of wood working in High School, and one of the hardest things about any piece of wood was the knots (those little dark circular areas in the wood). The knots were always resistant to sanding, primer and staining…they caused problems. You had to be careful where you cut the wood because you can’t cut very well through a knot. But they often times were the areas that defined the wood, what made it beautiful, what gave it character. The Gap had such a strong logo, such a strong identifiable marker that I can’t re-imagine it without it.

How this translates into real life is the fact that we must be making minor coarse corrections along the way; minor tweaks and adjustments are a good thing. And major adjustments aren’t horrible and can be good. But to “re” something in your life should be a warning sign that something else is wrong. Is this a last ditch effort to succeed? Is this covering up a larger issue? Are you running from something?

Like a magician a “re” anything is an effort to distract your attention from the real problem and redirect somewhere else. In life we go through events and circumstances that act like knots in our lives. They define and give us character. To “re” anything with the knots that define us, is to try and slap a new coat of paint on something to make it seem new. So next time you think you need to “reinvent”, “rebrand”, “relaunch”, “re____________” maybe we should ask ourselves first if the very thing we’re trying to change is the very thing that defines us.

Because when you try and cut through or remove a knot, you risk ruining the whole piece of wood. Which is probably what Gap decided too; they risked too much by redesigning the brand. And like all pieces of wood that need constant sanding, and oiling to maintain their characteristics…we too need to make minor course adjustments and maintenance. 

The 3rd most wonderful time of the year!

Out of everything in the year that I do, Christmas is my most favorite, followed by Desperation. But the 3rd most wonderful time of the year happens in October. Fall retreat comes once every year. It's either something you participate in or something you miss out and hear about for 11 more months until it happens again.

Fall retreat is like a picture worth a 1,000 words. You can't accurately or specifically pinpoint what happens...but something happens. You encounter God, when you expect to and sometimes when you don't expect to. He shows up in worship, in the Word, in building relationships, in community, and in nature. I've been to several fall retreats and they're never the same, each year something fresh and new happens.

There should be no choice or excuse as to why anyone can't go on fall retreat. It changes your life, no matter how many times you've been or if it's your first time going. Like Christmas and Desperation it only comes around once a year and you don't want to wait another 12 months for Fall Retreat when it's coming up in a few short weeks! To register now, click the following link: http://tinyurl.com/3azlvel

What I’ve been chewing on this summer Part 2

I love making jokes, either at my own expense or at others (not to laugh necessarily at another but amongst friends that can laugh at themselves). Sometimes it’s a very thin line between sarcasm and cynicism. I’ve crossed that line on several occasions…well actually a lot…but I’ve realized that laughing and having a good time is one thing being sarcastic and cynical is another.

On few occasions, television can be genius and brilliant. One of those moments was last fall when another late night battle ensued. In the same fashion as the Letterman and Leno debacle of the 90’s, this one between Leno and O’Brien was even better. The jokes that were coming from Conan O’Brien’s team were gut-busting hilarious. I found myself laughing so hard that I was crying. But out of all the things that Conan could have said on his final show, he said the following:

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It's doesn't lead anywhere. No one in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.” – Conan O’Brien

Conan having been promised his dream job, having run it well and to his ability, only to loose it could have said whatever he wanted. He could have slammed NBC, could have said terrible things about Leno, could have done a distasteful and uncensored show…but he didn’t. He went out like a gentleman.

It’s great advice too, when bad things happen…and you find yourself being cynical or sarcastic. Remember that there is no profit, benefit, or relief from it. In fact instead of being what might seem like a release…there is a hardening of the heart. Cynicism and sarcasm tend to do that…they cause feuds, long lasting hard feelings, unforgiveness, and acompassionate responses.

We think joking in a sarcastic or cynical way is a great way to release the angst, but instead we take a shovel and dig ourselves into a deeper emotional hole. There is help though. My sister who teaches 3rd grade gave me the best advice this summer. She gave me the same advice that she gives her students, “Blow our your birthday candles.” When she told me that I didn’t get it at first…but then I got it. I needed to stop and take a deep breath; all is well; it’s not a big deal; get over it. My frustration turned to laughter…it was a great trick.

Laughter is a good way to release tension and can be done healthfully. It’s just such a thin line, that maybe it’s best to keep those negative jokes to ourselves. I’m going to check myself when I want to make a sarcastic and cynical comment because I don’t want to become that senile old man…I want to be fun, happy, and a joy to be around…not Debbie Downer.